For Cancer patients, caregivers, and the people who support them.

It's okay to NOT be okay: Comfort in Grief

We have these super powers that can act as catalyst to help the broken and the weak. To say loss or pain is singular or subjective is ludicrous. Everyone has family and friends that if they became ill or passed on it would be absolutely tragic.  That doesn’t mean it has to be hell though. There’s nothing worse than seeing death, watching it take your loved one and then having to hear someone try and downplay what happened to you.

Don’t misunderstand me, I know the intention of the fellow griever is to make you feel better which is beautiful. Although a word of advice, never use the word “I” when someone is grieving.

You may think that you’ve gone through a similar situation, and even if you have, the person that is grieving doesn’t want to hear that their mom or best friend is just like everyone else that died or got sick.

It’s so subtle and unintentional, but that downplay causes you to be angry. To you, your mom is not just another person and your best friend is not the same as the others. It would personally bother me when people made it about them and I ended up giving them therapy instead of them helping me - I'm the one who most recently lost their loved one. Saying nothing and just listening to person whose grieving rant may be the best thing you can do for them.

Now if the grieving person knows that you’ve been through something similar and asks for your story or how you got through it; only then would it be acceptable. Bad things definitely happen to everyone, but that doesn’t mean that you need to simply get over it.

Do you know what they don’t tell you? “Hey kid, it’s okay to not be okay.'  "It’s okay to be angry, livid, and furious at the world.”  "It’s okay to cry and scream, let it all out.”

Earlier I said we need to use our powers as catalyst, which implies that we have to be the change in someone life. The solution is simple; be quiet.

Let the person grieving speak, help them in what they ask for and let them know that it’s okay to not be okay!